A Surprise After Marriage

After our marriage in 1989, Marina moved into our family home to live with our parents. One of the first things that surprised her was finding my father and mother sleeping in separate rooms.

“Since when have they been sleeping separately?” she asked.

“After our father retired.  Our grandparents too slept separately,” I replied.

Having lost her own mother at a young age, this arrangement was entirely new to her. Decades later, while on a long drive, a radio jockey discussing Sleep Divorce brought back a wave of nostalgia – and prompted me to reflect on our own situation.

What Is Sleep Divorce?

A sleep divorce is the conscious decision for partners to sleep in separate beds or different bedrooms. Far from signalling the end of a relationship, it is an increasingly popular practice used to eliminate nighttime disruptions such as snoring, temperature differences, or clashing work schedules.

According to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM), more than one-third of people regularly sleep in a different room from their partner. The concept has been widely covered in the media, and numerous celebrities have publicly discussed sleeping separately from their spouses.

A SleepFoundation.org survey found that couples choose separate sleeping arrangements for various reasons. Some benefit greatly; others eventually return to sharing a bed. The pros and cons of a sleep divorce likely vary from situation to situation.

Why Couples Do It

Partners who snore, toss and turn, work odd hours, or prefer different room temperatures often choose a sleep divorce. Data shows that those who sleep separately gain an average of 37 minutes more sleep per night and report improved relationship satisfaction – because they are less irritable and exhausted during the day.

The term sleep divorce carries a negative connotation, but for some couples, sleeping apart actually leads to increased closeness and intimacy. For us, good-quality sleep has translated into better relationship health through improved communication and reduced conflict and irritability.

The Benefits

• Better Health: Fewer sleep interruptions, deeper sleep cycles, and reduced fatigue.
• Less Resentment: You stop blaming your partner for waking you up, which minimises daytime conflict.

The Drawbacks

• Requires Space: You need a spare bed or bedroom, which can increase housing or furnishing costs.
• Loss of Intimacy: Midnight cuddling and the psychological comfort of having a partner next to you are reduced.

Working Through It

If you and your partner are considering a sleep divorce, experts recommend several strategies to maintain connection while sleeping soundly:

• Maintain Intimacy: Schedule dedicated time for sex, cuddling, or simply catching up on your day before heading to your separate rooms.
• Frame It as a “We” Problem: Approach the conversation collaboratively.

Marina’s main complaints about my sleep patterns were classic:

• “Your snoring keeps me up!“
• “You hit the sack and fall asleep in five seconds, while I take forever to fall asleep.”
• “If you come to bed after I’m asleep, your movements wake me up, and it takes me ages to get back to sleep.”

We soon realised that we have different sleep styles – and that both of us deserve to feel rested. Marina works in a high-pressure environment as a Pharmacy Manager. She needs her sleep.

No Win

I realised I snore like a helicopter. I also realised I could never win an argument with Marina—because the wife is always right. So, I moved into the guest bedroom, leaving the master bedroom to Marina.

Try a Compromise

If you don’t want to commit to separate rooms, consider alternative compromises: two separate mattresses pushed together, a larger bed, or two separate duvets.

Consult a Somnologist

If disruptions are severe – constant kicking, heavy snoring, gasping – consult a sleep specialist. Treating underlying medical issues can often resolve the need for sleeping apart entirely.

Sex

The most important aspect of a sleep divorce is the one many dare not discuss. We realised that intimacy did not diminish; in fact, it felt better without the pressure of sharing a bed – especially after Marina hit menopause.

Maintaining Connection

For many couples, the only real touchpoints in an otherwise hectic day are the moments before bed and first thing in the morning. If you are sleeping separately, be mindful of how you will get that daily time for contact and intimacy. We snuggle on the couch after dinner or watch a TV show or movie together before sleeping. Being intentional about time together for us help prevent a feeling of disconnection over time.

If you and your partner are on different pages about sleeping together or apart, talk it through. Build in exceptions and compromise. Remember: neither option is objectively better. What matters is what works best for the two of you.

The Cycle Continues

The cycle of sleep divorce continues with us – inherited from our parents, adapted to our own needs, and likely passed on to the next generation. It is not a failure of marriage. It is an acknowledgement that love and sleep are not always compatible – and that sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for your partner is to give them their own bed. And their own peace. And the gift of a good night’s rest.

The Meme That Started It All

On social media, a meme was making the rounds about colonoscopy—or more precisely, about the bowel preparation stage that precedes it. And rightly so. The bowel prep phase, which involves drinking a laxative solution or taking tablets to flush the colon clean of stool and food particles, is widely considered the most unpleasant part of the entire process. Yet it is essential. A clean bowel enables the doctor to identify and remove polyps that could otherwise develop into cancer.

When Should You Consider a Colonoscopy?

It is advisable to discuss colonoscopy with your doctor if:

• You are over 45 years of age.
• You are over 40 with a family history of colon cancer or colon polyps.
• You have noticed a change in bowel movements, bleeding, or pain—regardless of your age.

While cancer screening is the primary reason for colonoscopy, the procedure can also detect other issues such as ulcerations, inflammation, diverticula (pouches) along the colon wall, strictures (narrowed areas), unexplained chronic diarrhea, or bleeding in the gastrointestinal tract.

The Canadian Context

In Canada, routine colorectal cancer screening using the Fecal Immunochemical Test (FIT) is recommended for average-risk adults aged 50 to 74. While FIT is the non-invasive standard screening tool, colonoscopy is typically recommended for those at high risk—such as individuals with a family history—or if a FIT test result requires follow-up. Our family doctor has been prescribing my annual FIT since I turned 50.

In 2022, my FIT revealed traces of blood in my stool, leading to my first colonoscopy. Five polyps were removed from my colon. Colon polyps are common, usually benign growths on the inner lining of the colon or rectum, affecting approximately four in ten people. Mine were benign. Polyps are of many types. Not all polyps run the risk of transforming into a cancer. Only neoplastic polyps (essentially non-malignant tumours) runs this risk. Not all polyps become malignant. Only 5 to 10 percent do and that too, over a long time, usually 10 years or more. But removal of neoplastic polyps are always recommended, to overcome the potential risk. More the number of polyps greater the risk. In2025, I underwent a repeat colonoscopy, resulting in the removal of three more polyps. My next scheduled colonoscopy is in 2028.

Polyps can also be detected by ultrasound scan although this is not the standard screening tool, it is a non-invasive option which risks non detection of small polyps. Hydro colonic Ultrasound and 3D ultrasound which simulates a colonoscopy view are specialised non-invasive procedures.

Incidence of colorectal cancer has become fairly high globally and particularly in North America. Studies have found a very high correlation between red meat consumption and the incidence of colorectal cancer. If you simply compare the global heat maps of red meat consumption and incidence of colorectal cancer, it shows a striking similarity.  The correlation is even higher in the case of processed meat and this type of cancer. The International Agency for Cancer Research (IARC), which is the specialized cancer agency of the WHO, classified processed meat (bacon, sausage, hot dogs, ham, deli meats, and pepperoni) as a Group 1 “carcinogenic to humans” agent in October 2015. This classification was based on sufficient evidence that consumption causes colorectal cancer. .On the other hand it is to be noted that consumption of white meat does not bear any direct correlation with incidence of this type of cancer.  Other risk factors are smoking and alcohol.

Preventing colorectal cancer involves regular screening (beginning at age 45) to remove precancerous polyps, maintaining a healthy weight, exercising regularly, eating a diet high in fiber, fruits, and vegetables, and limiting red/processed meats. Key lifestyle changes include quitting tobacco, limiting alcohol, and ensuring adequate calcium/vitamin D intake. 

Addressing the Fears

Common fears surrounding colonoscopy centre on the preparation process, potential pain, embarrassment, and the anxiety of what might be found. Yet the procedure itself is safe, routine, and remarkably effective in preventing colorectal cancer. It typically takes 20 to 30 minutes, involves light sedation that keeps you comfortable, and is performed by professionals in a private setting. Finding polyps is not a negative outcome—it is an opportunity to remove them before they can become cancerous.

My only logistical challenge was the requirement to be dropped off at the hospital and picked up an hour later. Hospitals do not permit patients to drive for six hours following the procedure—a precaution against the lingering effects of light anaesthesia. I enlisted the help of a family friend, a small inconvenience for such an important health measure.

A Window into the Procedure

During the procedure, I observed the doctor’s actions with fascination. A long, thin, flexible tube—roughly half an inch in diameter—equipped with a light source and a high-definition video camera at its tip was carefully inserted. The doctor manipulated the tip to navigate the curves of the colon. The tube contained channels for air or carbon dioxide inflation to improve visibility, a water spray to clean the lens, suction to remove debris, and tools such as snares or forceps for biopsies and polyp removal.

The camera transmitted high-definition, live video to a monitor, allowing the physician to examine the colon in real time. I watched alongside him. Using wire snares passed through the colonoscope, he deftly cut off the polyps, each one immediately suctioned out.

“You appear to be a master at video games,” I remarked. “You must be outsmarting your kids!”

“I have to be,” he replied with a smile. “This is my everyday job.”

The Bottom Line

If you are on the fence about whether to undergo colonoscopy, have a conversation with your doctor, family, peers, and friends. Sharing experiences and information can alleviate fears and help you make an informed decision. Remember: the best colon cancer screening is the one that gets done.

A Quantum Leap in Gunnery

The induction of the 155mm Bofors Guns into the Indian Army in 1987 was a quantum leap, bringing computing power into the field of gunnery for the first time. Until then, we had relied on cumbersome manual procedures: logarithmic tables, range tables, graphical instruments, and handheld calculators. The arrival of computers promised speed, precision, and a radical new way of thinking.

In our Regiment, I took on the responsibility of training our soldiers on these new machines. Adhering to the old military adage, It is easier to put a new idea into a military mind, but next to impossible to take out an old one, I selected our youngest soldiers for the first batch. The experienced Havildars and Naiks (Sergeants and Corporals) would wait; I reasoned that old habits had not yet taken root in the younger men.

Sepoy Nem Pal: A Star in the Making

The class began in earnest. Among the trainees was Sepoy Nem Pal, a highly intelligent soldier with nimble fingers and a fierce desire to excel. He was the ideal candidate.

After a few days, we moved on to the procedures for engaging targets. I demonstrated the steps, tasked the men with practicing, and was shortly summoned by our Commanding Officer.

Fifteen minutes later, I returned to find Nem Pal visibly worked up. He approached me anxiously. “Sir, it works perfectly when you do it on the computer. But when we do it, nothing happens. Why?“

Lacking a logical answer, I shot back with authority: “It is because you do not wash your hands in the morning with soap and water. When you touch the computer with dirty hands, the Computer God becomes displeased, and you fail.”

Nem Pal rushed out of the room. A few minutes later, he returned and tried again. Fifteen minutes after that, he came back to me, looking entirely puzzled. “Sir, I did wash my hands properly with soap and water. Still, I do not get the desired results.”

That, I realised, was the Indian Army way of handwashing. There was no set drill for it. No standard operating procedure. Everyone developed their own method—or none at all.

A Different Kind of Training

On landing in Canada, gardening became my hobby. Marina always insisted I wear gloves while gardening, but I found them uncomfortable and mostly avoided them.

One spring weekend, we decided to eat out for lunch. As I changed after gardening, Marina said, “Look at your fingers! They are so dirty. Please clean up before we set out.”

I spent the next several minutes scrubbing dirt from under my nails. After that day, I wore the gloves.

The Technician’s Secret

Years later, my career shifted from the military to corporate leadership. While serving as the CEO of a pharmacy chain in Canada, I was visiting one of our local stores when I noticed a young pharmacy technician putting on four pairs of gloves, one over the other.

Amused, I asked her why.

“Every time I handle a different medication, or if a glove touches a non-sterile surface, I simply peel off the top layer to reveal a clean glove underneath,” she explained.

“Where did you learn that protocol?” I asked, genuinely curious.

“I worked part-time at a fast-food restaurant in high school,” she said. “The manager taught me this technique to save us from constantly washing and drying our hands between orders.”

The Power of Standard Protocols

What a brilliant operational shortcut. It was efficient, hygienic, and practical—born not in a sterile hospital or a pharmacy school, but in a fast-food kitchen.

Like any discipline, whether it is operating a sophisticated Bofors artillery computer or maintaining medical hygiene, success relies entirely on standard operating procedures. True discipline begins at home, is reinforced at school, and becomes locked in at university or the military academy. Sometimes, it is passed down by a restaurant manager to a pharmacy technician, where that simple habit might one day save a life.

As for the Computer God? I like to believe that by now, Sepoy Nem Pal has made his peace with Him. Perhaps, somewhere, he is still meticulously washing his hands – just in case.