Caring for the Old and Differently-Abled


Our  son attended a training capsule regarding social service, especially dealing with the old and infirm. He showed me a pamphlet and it described how the old and the infirm need to be looked after and it concludes by saying that its more important to serve a person than looking for their disabilities. This is a lesson to be taught to the coming generations.

Amir Khan through his TV Programme ‘Sathyameva Jayathe‘ tried his best to portray the struggles of the differently-abled in India. Did you observe that the stage from where he was preaching all these was not wheel-chair accessible? There was no ramp! I am sure it would not have cost them much compared to the money the programme generated. Another TV presentation of a retirement home shown on a Malayalm channel, it was observed that the houses in the retirement home neither had a ramp nor were wheel-chair accessible. An old lady was shown climbing the steps with the support of a walker assisted by a girl.

Many buildings in India are not wheel-chair accessible; why even that; many of the Indian homes with old people are not differently-abled-friendly. Our own ancestral home; where my 82 year old mother lives, does not have a ramp for entry from the courtyard into the house. She suffers from arthritis and finds it extremely difficult to step in and out of the house.

During trip home in 2013, I had to take my mother to the Government Treasury, Kottayam, the City of Letters, to muster her pension roll. There were two options – one to drop her by car at the lower level and make her climb 14 steps, the other, to drop her by car at the upper level and make her walk 200 meter. After consulting my mother, I opted for the first option. The powers that be at Kottayam are well aware that most of the pensioners are old and infirm and to make the place for mustering be made easily accessible to them would is not a very difficult.

Public transport buses in many countries are the least differently-abled-friendly. One in the best of health needs some effort to board these buses. Many a times, the conductor/ cleaner would push the old and differently-abled into the bus; could be the next bus is close at his heels and does not want to get delayed.

Seniors in these countries are restricted to their homes –  we respect them too much to be send out for a haircut, for manicure or pedicure, for drinking coffee from the nearby coffee shop, buying vegetables, haggling with the vendors etc. We claim that the children are there to do these for them.

Wait a minute, they also have their feelings too and would love to feel the tomatoes they buy, haggle with vendors to save a few rupees, exchange a few gossip, look pretty and smart.

In most homes, the seniors are confined to a corner of a house and have limited movement or accessibility. To say the least, many are swept under the carpet/ bed. Now days a home nurse is provided to take care of them. Some of our friends here in Canada want to admit their old parents to the available old-age homes. This involves paying a hefty amount as admission fees and monthly payments, which will surprise many. Even though one is ready to pay these, many fear for the social and family stigma that the son has pushed the old parents into an old-age home and is enjoying in Canada/America. All these critics will never do anything to mitigate the problem of the seniors, but will be the first ones to raise shackles of family and social values.

During the three week vacation in India, I realised that there is no one at home on weekdays as the adults go to work and children to schools. Spending time was the most difficult as there is none to talk to. Only way to pass time was to see those TV serials or listen to music. There is no worthwhile bookstall in Kottayam which sells English novels – most available were old – which I had read before. Then I realised the plight of my mother and I saw that she had read the day’s newspaper from first to last page and had seen four serials by the time her grandchildren were back from school. There are no activities available for the seniors to indulge in and the infrastructure does not permit them to travel around.


I generally do my chores like groceries, go for a haircut, go to bank etc on weekday mornings – less busy in the Canadian Malls at this time. One sees old couples, dressed in their best, enjoying a cup of tea/coffee, window shopping, talking to other seniors, etc. Some of these seniors are wheel-chair bound. Most of the wheel-chairs are battery powered so that they can move around freely through the Malls.

In case you go for a haircut on a weekday morning, you will find only seniors, waiting for a haircut, a new hair-makeover, pedicure, manicure etc. They would be non-stop chatting with their hair-dresser /beautician about their last outing for a movie, holiday, their dog, their children, grandchildren, and the list goes on. The hair-dresser would be listening, nodding, at times replying to all those small talk. May be the seniors did spend some time, may be his/ her day was spend very fruitfully. At the end of it, the hairdresser/ beautician gets a decent tip for putting up with all the small talk the seniors did. In India if a senior lady goes to a hair dresser or a spa, she is surely bound to invite comments that the lady is now trying to become a beauty queen. The irony is that many a times these comments originate from their own children and grandchildren.


We live in Mississauga, a city adjacent to Toronto. We had Mayor Hazel McCallion until 2014 and she was  was over 92 years old then.  To read more about her, Please Click Here.  A real charismatic lady, who ran the city with an iron hand, drove around in her car etc. Mississauga is the only city in Canada to have a surplus budget and the city boasts of a very high standard of amenities, social life and infrastructure.  Obviously, the real-estate prices are pretty high in comparison to the neighbouring cities.  She spoke at our daughter’s High School Graduation in 2010; what a powerful speaker she is. I wish we also had such powerful seniors back home too.

The public transit in Canada, the public buildings, the malls – all got to be wheelchair accessible by law. Further the Senior Citizens get a good discount on many City Transit systems. Many cannot drive or their licenses have been revoked by the Transport Department due to their medical conditions. These seniors travel on their own without any assistance and do most chores on their own.

RIP Colonel Victor Duraisamy


While at school, I used to marvel at the honour boards placed at the entrance of the Academic block.  It had the names of the School Captains, Best Result for National Defence Academy (NDA) and Academics and the Sportsman of the year.  These boards in effect displayed all what the school stood for- to train the cadets as  all-rounders and to motivate them to join the NDA. 

On the School Captains board, the name of Victor Duraisamy of 1965 batch stood out for me.  It could be because the name was secular – Christian sounding first-name and a Hindu last-name.  Or was it because it was the longest one on the board? 

I joined the school in 1971, six years after Colonel Victor Duraisamy left the school  and by that time he was already a Lieutenant in the Indian Army.   

I remember Mrs Sheela Cherian  saying during one of her classes about the Duraisamy brothers who were all-rounders in all aspects- academic, sports, extra-curricular activities and also music.  The family was indeed gifted with music running in their blood.

After joining NDA and about seven years of army life, I heard that Victor Duraisamy  and his younger brother were also commissioned to the very same Regiment – Artillery – that I was also commissioned.  I always knew that I would meet them somewhere in my military career.

In 1989, I was attending the Long Gunnery Staff Course at School of Artillery Devlali.  After a few months we had a new neighbour moving in – it was Colonel Victor Duraisamy.  As the course was very intensive, we had only limited opportunity to interact.  He was then responsible for training the Regiment of Artillery Band. 

During the Artillery reunion, we were all invited to a symphony orchestra performance by the Regimental Band,  It was conducted by none other than Colonel Victor Duraisamy.  The poise of the movements of Victor and his baton really mesmerised me.  It would have surely given Zubin Mehta a run for his money.  At the end of the performance I complimented him for performing such complex symphonies – that too with military musicians – most hardly matriculates. 

After the symphony, we were invited to his home for dinner and that was where I met Colonel Fredric Duraisamy, his younger brother.  He was then with the Air Defence Artillery.   Both the brothers and their children kept us all entertained with their musical talent for over two hours.

In 1997 while serving with the Army Headquarters at Delhi, Colonel Victor Duraisamy was also posted at the Military Training Directorate (MT  Dte) of Army Headquarters.  He was then responsible for charting out the musical training for all the Regimental Bands of the Indian Army.  He was also responsible for the conduct of the massed band display during the Beating the Retreat Ceremony at Vijay Chowk to mark the culmination of India’s Republic Day Celebrations. 

RIP Colonel Victor Duraisamy. 






The schools reopen for the new session in Kerala after the summer vacation in June every year.  The school opening is marked by the commencement of the monsoon rains and in the low-lying areas of Kottayam, there would invariably be floods and the schools are often closed at least for a fortnight thereafter.

Our father was the headmaster of a school in this area near Kumarakom and once I asked him “Why can’t you have an extended school session till April end and have summer vacation in May and June?”

“This idea was tried out unsuccessfully as the combination of extremely hot summer days and scarcity of drinking water posed major difficulties and hence the proposal was shelved,” he replied.


The low-lying areas of Kottayam are a part of the North Kuttanad, known as the rice bowl of Kerala. This is perhaps the only region in the world where rice farming is done at about 2.5 meter below sea level.  The paddy fields are reclaimed land from the backwaters.  In case one embarks on a boat ride through the backwaters, one can observe that the paddy fields are at a much lower level than the water level of the backwaters.  If you carefully observe the images above or below, you can differentiate the two levels.


Kuttanad meaning ‘low lying lands’ is one of the most fertile regions of Kerala, spread over the districts of Alappuzha and Kottayam, crisscrossed by rivers, canals and waterways.  The region contains the low-lying lands measuring about 25 kilometers East-West and 60 kilometers North-South on the West coast of Kerala. A major portion of this area lies 1 to 2.5 meters below the sea level.  Kuttanad has 1,10,000 hectare area, of which 50 % is reclaimed and 88 % is under agriculture.  The area is characterised by Dyke building in deep waters, land reclamation and maintenance and Rice-Fish rotation farming.


The dykes (bund) construction and maintenance are intricate tasks, for which an array of long and stout coconut poles are hammered deep enough into the lakebed in two rows, about two meters in width enveloping the entire area. It is then fenced with bamboo mats on either side.  The channels of the bund are now filled to the desired height, first with sand, followed by twigs, interspersed with high quality clay dug from the bottom of the lake.  Then water is pumped out and the land is prepared for rice cultivation.

The dykes are now mostly permanent ones built with granites and concrete.  Only a few gaps are left to facilitate flowing in of water after the harvest.  The gaps are filled prior to cultivation as mentioned above.  In the earlier days, water was pushed out from the low lying areas manually using a waterwheel.  Nowadays, the manual labour has been replaced by electric pumps.


During heavy monsoons, the flood waters may breach the bunds and inundate the paddy fields, causing heavy losses to the farmers.

The freshwater environment close to rice fields and the canals provide abundance of Pearl spots (Karimeen for which Kerala is well known for), fresh water giant prawns (Attukonju) and freshwater catfish.

So much for the geography of Kuttanad and its peculiarities.

Let me now relate to a monsoon related necessity. It was customary for our father to gift all four of us with an umbrella, with our name inscribed on it, at the beginning of every school year.  One either lost them or damaged them as the school year passed by. In the autumn of his life, he resumed the old habit and continued with the same gift to all his grandchildren.

In China, gifting your friend an umbrella means you want to end the relationship because umbrella sounds like San in Chinese, which means to separate. Giving a married couple an umbrella as a gift should be avoided in all cases, at least in China. The Chinese believe that if it is raining and you are worried, he or she will get wet, it’s better for both of you to huddle under one umbrella until you reach your partner’s destination.

That brings me to a personal anecdote related to the gifting of umbrellas. A few weeks after assuming command of the unit in the operational area in Rajasthan, our Second-in-Command (2IC) Late Col Suresh Babu approached me and said “There are about 100 umbrellas lying unsold in the Regimental Canteen at Devlali, Maharashtra.  I propose a 50% reduction sale for them.”  

I realised with the unit in the operational area, it may not be feasible to execute the sale.

After analysing the loss being incurred by the canteen and the overall cost of the umbrellas, and taking a cue from my father, I said “Let the Regiment buy all the umbrellas from the Regimental fund and let them be gifted to all children of the unit at the beginning of the academic session.”

As in Kerala, in Devlali too, the monsoons pour down heavily coinciding with the school opening, but luckily there are no floods.  The gift must have impressed all the families and children, back in Devlali as they had not yet met the new Commanding Officer.

In 2009, five years after handing over command, I received a call from Subedar Ravinder Singh.  His son came online and said “Sir, the umbrella you gifted to me at the time of taking over command of the unit has been preserved by me and was always a sign of encouragement for me.  Thank you very much Sir and also for training all the children of our unit on computers.  The introductory training to technology I received at that early age made me explore the world further and it has helped me immensely in my career. Thank you, Sir.

Most of your deeds and actions may not matter much to you, but it matters to the one who is in the receiving end.  The resultant effect will always be as to how the receiver perceives it. And, if the recipient perceives it well, he or she will replicate it in later life, in one form or the other.

Good deeds generally have a chain reaction as do bad deeds. But in case of good deeds the chain is generally much longer than in the case of bad deeds.

Joe’s Canadian Sojourn – Casa Loma


Air Vice Marshal TD Joseph (Joe), our course-mate from the National Defence Academy (NDA) and Sophie Joseph visited us during the last week of May 2016.  Joe and I hail from the same village -Ayarkkunnam – in Kerala, India.  Joe was surprised to be invited to many homes of people who had migrated to Canada from the very same village.

Prior to leaving India, everyone wanted to know as to why he was only visiting Canada and not the US.  Most sub-continental travellers presume that Canada has nothing much to offer and a journey to the North American continent essentially was limited to a handful of US destinations.  Joe was however convinced after reading many of my travelogues on my blog that Canada has many fascinating unexplored areas, unknown to even many who have settled here for decades.

The weather was good, adequately warm to undertake long journeys and for trekking.    We travelled well and made use of every minute at our disposal.  The itinerary included Mennonites of St Jacobs, Niagara Gorge, Niagara Falls, Welland Canal, Wine Country, Flower Pot Island, and CN Tower.  (Please click on each one to read about them on my earlier Blog Posts).    We also visited the African Lion Safari and Casa Loma.


Casa Loma (Spanish for Hill House), was a dream house Major General Sir Henry Pellatt built.  It still stands out as the biggest residential place ever built in Canada.  It was General Pellat’s  dream castle.

Casa Loma took three years and $3.5 million to build (today’s worth about $75 million). General  Pellatt filled Casa Loma with artwork from Canada and around the world. With soaring towers, tunnels and secret passageways, it was a  castle than a private residence.

Casa Loma has 98 rooms, 30 bathrooms, three bowling alleys, an indoor swimming pool, and a rifle range. The original internal telephone system is preserved till date.  Casa Loma had 50 telephones, one in each room, when the whole of Toronto had only 250.  It served as a location for many movies such as X-Men, Strange Brew, Chicago, The Tuxedo,  Love Guru and The Pacifier.


The main floor opens with the Great Hall which leads into a library and the main dining room.  In the main dining room, the Pellatts hosted many formal dinner parties. The 10,000-book library had the Pellatt family coat of arms carved into the ceiling, with herringbone oak floor pattern creating an optical illusion of different shades from each end of the room.


Pellatts had a Serving Room which was also used as a breakfast room.  The room was inspired by Roman carvings.  This room was the staging area into which the kitchen staff brought the cooked food for the waiters to carry to the dining room.


General Pellat’s Study on the main floor had a marble fireplace with carvings of Hercules on the mantle.  The walls had walnut panels which concealed a secret door on either side of the fireplace – the left one leading to the Pellatts’ bed rooms and the right one to the basement.  The room also boasted of a desk that was the exact replica of Napoleon’s writing desk.


This floor also had a  Smoking Room for a game of chess or cards.  Adjacent to it was the Billiard Room where General Pellatt and EJ  Lennox, the architect of Casa Loma and his neighbour,  often played in the evenings.


The second floor housed Genral Pellatt’s Suite, separate from Mary’s.  The walls are of mahogany and walnut.  The tiger skin on the floor was imported from India in 1920.  The bathroom has a  shower structured to completely surround the body with spray by using 6 taps that controlled 3 levels of pipes.


Lady Pellatt’s suite adjacent to her husband’s suit had walls painted in her favourite colour: Wedgwood blue.  Lady Pellatt’s bathroom was smaller than General Pellatt’s.  It had a bidet, a rare feature in Canadian homes at the time.


General Pellatt had five guest rooms, all suited for the royalty.  He dreamt of having the Royal Family as guests at Casa Loma.  This room was named Windsor Room after the Royal Family in England.  It has a nineteenth century walnut bed with dolphins carved on to the posts representing Venus.


This suite for guests is decorated in Chinoiserie style with a large red lacquered dresser imported from China.  The walls are covered with Chinese inspired patterns of phoenixes and foo dogs.  It also has a Chinese screen with carvings of flowers and trees and a mother-of-pearl peacock.


The Third Floor housed the servants’ rooms and the Queen’s Own Rifles Museum.  General Pellatt enlisted as a rifleman with The Queen’s Own Rifles on November 2, 1876.  He rose through the ranks and eventually became the Commanding Officer. In 1905.  In recognition of his services, he was appointed a Knight Bachelor by King Edward VII.

In 1910, Pellatt took the entire 600-men regiment (including its horses) to England for military training at his expense, to mark the Regiment’s fiftieth anniversary from 13 August to 03 October 1910.  General Pellatt later served as the regiment’s Honorary Colonel and was promoted to the rank of Major-General upon retirement.  When Queen Victoria celebrated her Diamond Jubilee, General Pellatt went to England with some men and officers of the Queen’s Own Rifles to be part of the honour guard.


In the basement was a Wine Cellar.  Ammonia and brine-filled pipes chilled the collection of nearly 1800 bottles of exotic wine and champagne.


The Stables are connected to Casa Loma by an 800-ft tunnel.  The tunnel also housed a coal based heating system to heat the entire building.  Canadian army used the tunnel as a secret base to build a new SONAR system during World War II.


The tunnel ended at the stables and garage.  The stalls for the horses are constructed of mahogany and the floors covered with Spanish tiles so that the horses did not slip.  Each horse’s name was inscribed on the wall in 18 Carat Gold.


Major General Sir Henry Pellatt was born to British parents in Kingston, Ontario on January 6, 1859.  General Pellatt left his studies when he was seventeen to pursue a career in commerce in the family business. By the age of 23, he became a full partner in his father’s stock brokerage firm Pellatt and Pellatt.  He married Mary Dodgeson whom he met when he was twenty.

He achieved fame in 1879 for beating the US  amateur champion in one mile.  As a partner in Pellatt and Pellatt, he founded the Toronto Electric Light Company in 1883. By the time he was 30, the Toronto Electric Light Company enjoyed a monopoly on street lighting of the city of Toronto.

In 1892 his father retired, enabling General Pellatt to invest with more risk.  By 1901, he was chairman of 21 companies with interests in mining, insurance, land and electricity. In 1902, he won the rights to build the first Canadian hydro-electric  plant at Niagara Falls.  All these he achieved while serving with the Queen’s Own Rifles.  After retirement, in 1911, he began building his  dream castle – Casa Loma.

Unfortunately, General Pellatt’s fortunes nosedived and he went into debt. The one sure source of income from the monopoly of electrical power vanished when the government took over the company without any compensation.  He then invested into the airline business, to be taken over again by the government towards the war efforts for World War I.

Post World War I economy of Canada slumped.  So did General Pellatt’s fortunes.  He owed the Home Bank of Canada $1.7 million and City of Toronto a heavy tax bill.  He had no choice but to auction off his prized possessions for a fraction of their worth and to abandon his dream home – Casa Loma.  After moving into many smaller homes, he last lived with his trusted chauffeur.

Though he lost a great fortune, General Pellatt never lost his spirit of philanthropy, a character trait for which he was honoured late in life. His service of fifty years with the Queen’s Own Rifles was celebrated on June 27, 1926 with a march past of 500 men complete with the fly-past of three military planes.   A dinner was hosted at the Royal York Hotel, a reunion of the Queen’s Own Rifles, for his 80th birthday, including a telegram of congratulations from King George’s wife Queen Mary.  General Pellat was moved to tears.

He died two months later, in his chauffeur’s arms.  Thousands lined Toronto streets to witness his funeral procession. He was buried with full military honours befitting a soldier who gave so much to his country.

Visit to African Lion Safari follows.

Nikhil’s Kerala Trip

In December 2012 our son Nikhil wanted to accompany me on my trip to Kerala as he had two weeks of Christmas vacation.  I asked him the reason behind such a decision and he said that it was to spend a few days with his grandmother, uncles and cousins.  He also wanted to visit all the old temples and churches in Kottayam and what interested him the most was Sree Padmanabha Temple at Trivandrum as he had read a lot about the billions worth of treasure the temple had.


Accordingly we landed early morning in Trivandrum and checked into the Taj Hotel.  He was really astounded by the top quality service rendered by the Darwan (Person guarding the main entrance and receives the guests), the bell boy and the room service, the likes of which he had never experienced in all our travel across North America.  After visiting the temple we headed to Kottayam and stayed with my eldest brother, with whom my mother lived.

During every Kerala visit, I make a trip to Kochi to meet my Sainik (Military) School classmates, Veteran Commander Reginald and Mr Roy John (Collector, Customs) and this time too Reginald was gracious enough to arrange an evening at the Naval Institute.  Nikhil was again surprised that once he was about to empty his Coke glass, it was refilled by the waiter, a privilege he had never enjoyed.

Nikhil interacted with his cousins and became closer to them than before.  They saw a Hollywood movie on DVD.  At the end of the movie, one of the cousins commented that it was for the first time he enjoyed and understood a Hollywood movie.  Nikhil all through the movie paused the DVD, explained to them the context  of the scene with respect to the events in North America and its culture; replayed the scene.  Until then they said they never understood the inner meanings of many scenes and obviously never the subtle humour associated with them.  I told them that my plight is still the same and I do not get the essence of many scenes in the movies as I am not as well versed with the North American society as our children – they go to school in Canada.

Interacting with my elder brother who at that time was the Public Prosecutor and a Communist supporter, helped to enhance Nikhil’s knowledge about the legal system in India.  It also gave him an insight into the growth of Communism in India, especially Kerala, resulting in the first democratically elected communist regime under Mr. EMS Namboodirippadu in 1957.  They held many discussions about the relevance of Communism in the world today and how it played a great role in bringing social changes in Kerala.

They discussed as to how the term ‘Kerala Model’ of development was termed and how Kerala achieved improvements in material living conditions reflected in indicators of social development comparable to those of many developed countries, even though the  per capita income is low.  Achievements such as low levels of infant mortality and population growth, high levels of literacy and life expectancy, along with other factors responsible for such achievements were also discussed.  There was a discourse about contribution of various Communists governments in achieving such development when the rest of India lagged very much behind  (obviously not because of the ‘Gulf Money’ as many from North India think as consolation for their lack of progress).

On our way back to Canada, we came through Chennai as we had planned to spend an evening with Major General PK Ramachandran, who was our Commanding Officer and at that time serving with the Area Headquarters at Chennai.  On reaching his residence, the sight of the guards, the way the lawn was manicured and the fabulous garden, the way he was looked after by the General and his wife and all the services he received from the staff at the General’s home seem to have touched a nerve or two in the teenager.  When we went to bed, Nikhil asked me as to why did I leave all these luxuries behind and quit the army and whether I missed these.  To this I said that I really miss all these, but had to make a choice between the family and the army and hence I migrated to Canada to join the family.  Had I continued in the army, they would have visited me during their vacations for few weeks and I would have visited them for two or the most three months (including furlough) in a year.  I was touched by his reply “That is a real sacrifice for our sake”.

One day at Kottayam, we decided to set off on foot to visit the old temples and churches around my elder brother’s home.  Nikhil was finding it difficult to keep up with me and I asked him whether he was feeling good to walk or should we hire an auto-rickshaw.  He said that he had a heavy breakfast as his grandmother wanted him to put on a few kilos and hence piled up his plate.  He was upset that the granny did not realise that his body structure and metabolism did ensure that he remained thin and it was not that he did not eat enough and he added that granny being a school teacher, who is well read and well-traveled should realise these facts.  “You could have always refused her and could have left the meal half eaten”, I said.  “Your mother is too powerful and I can never say ‘no’ to her.  Look at your eldest brother who is four years elder to you and your elder brother, the city’s public prosecutor, they never said ‘no’ to her and instantly obeyed all what she said.  When she was in Canada with us, you never said ‘no’ to her.  How do you expect a little boy like me stand up to her and ever say a word,” said Nikhil.

 I then realised that this trip was worth more than a thousand times its cost. The value of knowing one’s roots is often incalculable.

Whom Will You Marry?


During lunch, on his return from classes while in Grade 12, our son Nikhil asked me “Why did you marry Mom?  You never dated her, you did not go to school with her, you did not know her from before.  Your parents selected her, you saw and spoke to her for five minutes and agreed to marry her.  What prompted you to take that decision?”

I said to him that once my parents selected her, they must have seen something good in her and her family.  Her parents and siblings were well educated and she was in her third year of Pharmacy graduation.  Her academic record till then was outstanding, from her high school days until her graduation.  Further, during her high school days, she was the Kerala State champion in 400 meters run.

Now Nikhil wanted to know how it made any difference to me  or to my family.  I explained to him that  by virtue of me  serving as a Major in the Indian Army then, I needed a partner who could cope up with the pressures of being an ‘Army Wife’.  Marina was doing her Pharmacy Graduation at Gulburga in Karnataka State (about 600 km from her home) and hence she had to be independent and ought to have travelled a lot on her own.  She had to be intelligent and hardworking, else she would not have done so well in her Pharmacy course.  Further, she ought to have been physically fit, else she would not have won those laurels in athletics.   She being bit adventurous (I realised after marriage that she was much more adventurous – Please Click Here to read about her adventures), would be an ideal life partner  for me.

Now he wanted to know as to whether it has had any effect on the children.  I explained to him that both of us being physically fit and intelligent, the God has blessed us with two kids, intelligent, smart and physically fit.  The kids have no physical deformities like flat foot, knock knees, bow legs, etc, which has enabled them to do well in sports, music and dance. 


With the volley of questions being fired at me, I realised that there had to something more to it.  I prodded him a bit and he said that Ms Kent, the English teacher, was holding a discussion the next day as to “Whom will you marry? A beautiful woman, a rich woman or an intelligent woman.”  The boys in the class had to present their cases and the girls would cross-examine them. 

I now asked Nikhil as to what his take was.  As expected he said he would marry an intelligent woman.  Now we discussed the pros and cons for each case and at the end I said to him not  to be surprised to find that he might be the only one supporting his case.  I advised him to be well prepared to take on the girls and use all his charms, wit, language skills and oratory skills to manage the situation.  

Next evening, at the family dinner, Marina asked Nikhil as to how the discussion in the class went.  Nikhil said that he was the only one supporting the case for an intelligent woman and the rest of the boys were mostly for a beautiful woman.  After everyone presented their cases, most of the questions from the girls was directed at Nikhil.  One girl asked as to whether he would accept a woman if her father offered him a million dollars.  Nikhil countered it by saying that in case the girl is intelligent, he would not stop at a million, but would make billions.

Another girl asked him “If the woman is so ugly, then how can you move around with her.”  Nikhil’s point was that he wanted a woman who does neither hitches on to him nor he wanted to hitch on to her.  He was marrying her for companionship and not to show her off as a booty.  Further, he would not have to protect her from gazers.

The boldest among the girls asked “If the woman is so ugly, then how can you have sex with her.”  Nikhil’s explained that the pleasure of sex is mostly from the mind and hardly from the body.  Most animals during their intercourse do not look at their partners.  Most humans have sex either in the darkness or they mostly close their eyes during an intercourse.  Hence beauty  did not matter to him.

Ms Kent wanted to know the source of this piece of information and Nikhil said “It’s from my Dad”.  Now Ms Kent said that she wanted to meet me.  After Nikhil said this, I found Nidhi walking away from the dinner table.  She came back after a few minutes and I asked as to where she had been.  She said she was chatting with Ms Kent of the Facebook as to why she wanted to meet up with her Dad.  Ms Kent was Nidhi’s English teacher too and were friends after she graduated from high school.  That was when Ms Kent realised that Nikhil was Nidhi’s sibling.

Sitting Position

Walking down our city’s (Mississauga, Canada) streets, one can see many Yoga studios that have sprung up in all the malls.  Anyone would be fascinated by some of the names the studios had – Moksha Yoga, Power Yoga. Parivartan Yoga. Bikram Yoga (named after Bikram Choudhury, the India-born, Beverly Hills-based Yogi), Infinite Yoga, Hot Yoga, Organic Yoga, etc.  It seems the city has now got into a ‘Yoga’ craze.  Most gyms in the city offer Yoga classes as part of their fitness regimes.  Our children regularly attend them and are most amused by the Yoga instructors speaking out Sanskrit Yoga terms with their accents.   Most Yogis who teach are non-Indians and the students also cuts across the class divide, obviously with hardly any Indians, as is seen in any outdoor, voluntary, adventure or physical activity in the city.


Are you familiar with this sign?  Seen it anywhere?  This is the new sign for a “Yoga Room”, mostly at airports, hotels, gymnasiums across Canada and US.

Think of any busy international airport and you probably think of ‘delays,’ ‘long lines,’ ‘hectic’ and ‘noisy.’ San Francisco International Airport, however, hopes that those will be replaced by ‘om‘ and ‘chill’ because of its new addition: A yoga room, in January 2012.  The facility is open 24-hours a day and is free of charge.  Dallas Fort Worth International Airport opened their Yoga Room in 2012 with Chicago International airport following suit and opened a Yoga Room in 2013.

On a recent trip to India, our connecting flight was delayed by two hours at the Brussels Airport due to inclement weather. As usual the airport lounges were overflowing with stranded passengers. All possible seating were  occupied. There were passengers all over the floor, young and old, some reading, some listening to music, some surfing the Internet on their laptops and some chatting. My attention immediately caught a few children in their early teens from Canada, sitting on the floor with their legs crossed (Chaukadi/ Chamram – Lotus Position) and talking.

I thought with the limited space available, I should take up that position and continue to read the novel I had, to spent the next two hours. My attempt to sit like the children failed miserably in half a minute. I just couldn’t sit like those children. My legs and back were paining and I thought all my muscles had cramped in unison. Then I moved my position next to the wall and with the support of the wall and with my legs stretched out, I could sit and read for five minutes and then I felt I did not have any control over my legs. My attempt to stand took a miserable half minute.

This led me to ponder as to why I had such a problem sitting in Chaukadi position. I travelled through the time graph back to my childhood. I remembered that I could sit like that in the kitchen floor with our father and siblings and we used to eat the meals our mother served. As the economic situation of the family improved over the years, we added a dining room and with it came a dining table and the habit of eating our meals sitting on the floor in lotus position went out of the window.

The only place where I sat on the floor was during the few minutes of sitting interludes we had during the Kurbana (Holy Mass) at the Orthodox Syrian Christian Church. Most of the Mass was offered in our church standing (unlike the catholic churches) and we never had any seating arrangements other than for the old and infirm. The only other time we sat in the church was during the sermon by the priest – I always thought why it had to be that long and mostly repetitive.

In the school we always had a bench and a desk and our father used to tell us as to how privileged we were and that during his school days they always had to sit on the floor, even in high school. Was it a privilege? I started to ponder?


On return to Canada, I had to visit our son Nikhil’s Primary school to meet the teacher. As I walked through the aisle, I observed that in all the classrooms, the children and the teachers were sitting on the carpeted floor. Only half the class room was filled desks and chairs. On enquiring from Nikhil, he said that most of the class time they spend on the carpet.  The children always removed their shoes and placed them in the cupboard outside before entering their classes.  In case someone wanted to wear shoes in the class, the student had to get an ‘indoor’ shoes and had to be kept inside the class-room.  Now I found the answer to my question at the Brussels Airport – as to how the Canadian teens could manage to sit in lotus position for such a long time.

In the school cafeteria, fast-food is banned and pop/ beverages are strict ‘No Go.’  Students are mostly casually dressed and there are no ties and coats/blazers, in most schools there is no uniform.  There is a lot of stress to educate children about the ill-effects of these junk food and pop and the results are showing in the fall of business for these stores.  In India one sees long queues in front of the franchises of American Fast Food Chains.

Later I called up a friend of mine, who is a principal at a private school in Kerala and tried to explain to him the importance of making the children sit on the floor – at least in primary classes. I reasoned with him our old traditions of ‘Ashan Kalari‘ and ‘Gurukulam‘ and as to how children learned to write and read sitting on the floor. The principal said that he could see the advantages of it, but to convince the parents about it would be next to impossible.  In case he implemented my idea, he is sure that his school will face closure as no parent would like to send their children to a school where the students sat on the floor in lotus position.

May be Indians’ loss is Canadians’ gain and Indians are picking up all that the Western World is now rejecting.